Wednesday, July 29, 2009

"sometimes, what you see... isn't what you get.
and what you get... isn't what you see.
of course, what you see and get,
isn't necessarily the truth, either."

i heard this in my dream last night. it was pretty chaotic yet these words rang out to me so clearly. i was free-falling again. i hate that dream. the one when you seriously feel like you're floating and the next second you're plummeting to your death and despite thinking its only a dream, you actually feel the pull as you hurtle downwards, the wind messing up your hair.
the funny thing, it was my voice. myself, saying this. but to who, what. i really dont know.
i havent been to church in a long while. and i do feel guilty at times. then i remember all the anger and pain and this vicious cycle starts again. why can't i put my hurt to rest? why can't i clear my heart and let god back in? was it because i felt so betrayed, for something i strongly believed in and would never be accepted? i keep seeing signs, messages. but the strongest one yet came on sunday. and it felt like a balm on my soul. so does that equate to taking steps of the healing process?

what we could have been, 10:01 pm.